Soul Talk #3
In this talk John’s soul speaks to a question from a listener, and to one of the deepest human questions: If I am divine, why do I suffer?
Many of us have been taught a fearful image of God. This message offers a different perspective—one of compassion, understanding, and the deep love that is at the heart of all things, including illness and healing.
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A Fellowship of Divine Humans
Soul Talk #3
If I Am God, Why Do I Have Cancer?
Channeled by John McCurdy on 19 June 2025
This transcript has been lightly edited from the original recording to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed as clearly as possible. Note that Hmm, Mmm, Ahh, and lines with just a dot signify places to pause, and to feel into yourself and what is being said. Comments in [square brackets] are editorial explanations rather than part of the message.
I am that I am!
John, of Magical Service.
Ah, welcome to another soul talk! Number three we believe it is, in this series.
We call it a “Soul Talk” because I, John’s soul, am the one speaking. Oh, but it’s more than that. This message includes I as John’s soul and I as the human that you know as John, all together, integrated, realized.
Hmm… John’s not sure he likes to say that, but it’s true.
And yes, I am John of Magical Service, and sometimes during these talks I refer to John, my human self in this incarnation.
Mmm…
So we ask you, dear friend, not to get caught up in the words. Words are so inadequate as a form of communication! But when talking with humans they’re what we have, so we do the best we can.
John has often been accused of saying completely opposite things at times, as though they were true. And indeed they were! And we will, too.
Because, you see, truth cannot be defined in words. It simply does not fit!
Anything that you can put into words is automatically distorted. It is automatically incomplete, because the real truth of life does not fit in words. The real truth of Divinity does not fit in words.
Some of your religions acknowledge that, and they say that the Divine cannot be named. Oh, and then they give it a non-name, something like, “That which cannot be named,” and they call it that and it turns into just another name with the same limitations and the same box around it.
And you see, that’s what distinguishes a religion from you, from spirituality, and indeed, from Divinity. It’s those boxes that humans put around the truth by trying to define it. And you see, it cannot be adequately defined, ever.
So we ask you, as we speak to you in words, to not get caught up in them. Think of them as colors, and we’ll do our best to paint a picture.
Oh, and when you’re painting a picture, sometimes you use red. Sometimes you use green. Sometimes you use white and sometimes you use black. Things that seem opposite, but when you put them all together into a picture you feel something new, something bigger, something deeper.
So, as you listen to these messages, please keep that in mind. Feel into the bigger picture, the essence of what we are trying to convey, and don’t get caught up in the words.
In our recent talk about waking up we spoke of some of the stages of waking up, and it’s all part of waking up, whether you call it enlightenment or realization or waking up. Yes, there are different stages, but all are part of the same process, the same continuum, of coming back to yourself and to the memory and knowing of all that you are.
It begins with a realization. One day you start to realize that life is bigger than you thought it was and that you are bigger than you thought you were. It can be a fleeting glimpse or a sudden aha, “Oh, that’s how it works!” all the way up to, at some point, the memories start to flood back in. At some point you realize that you are Divine. That you are God also, if you want to use that word.
We try to avoid that word when we can, because it has so many boxes around it! So many connotations for different people, and they are just boxes. They limit it, so we use the word “Divinity” for now. At some point that too will be too much of a box, but for now we use Divinity.
There is no God like what humans imagine. It just doesn’t exist! Oh, there’s a shadow of such a being out there, because humans have imagined it into being. But it has no power.
It only has the power of fear. That’s all it has, and that fear comes from you, dear friend. From your own mind.
Mmm…
So, we will speak of “Divinity” for the most part, but sometimes God is the only word we can use: You are God also!
Whatever you interpret that word to mean, that is part of you.
Whatever you interpret it to mean, it is part of you! And a whole lot more.
After our first Soul Talk, What Is a Divine Human? someone commented and said, “Well, if I am God, why do I have cancer?”
Mmm…
John knows this person, an old friend of the family and a deeply conservative Christian. A deeply committed Christian, and a beautiful being. And yet he doesn’t understand what we are talking about, because he hasn’t woken up yet. And that’s okay. He will, when it is time for him.
Because, you see, one of the big lies of religion is that you are lost and you need to be saved, and nothing could be further from the truth!
You’ve just forgotten, in order to have an experience of being human. An experience of forgetting who you are, so that you can find yourself and know yourself better. But you have never been lost!
Even if you feel lost as a human, your soul is right here.
Ha! John was about to say “out there.” But no, it’s right here! It’s you! It is your deepest essence.
Your own soul, your own Divinity, is right here. But in order to get the most out of this experience you chose to forget, to come to Earth and forget who you are, and to find your way through these experiences here on Earth. And to finally come back to yourself and remember.
And oh, those who have already remembered—and there are many—they come back and they go, “Oh wow, what an incredible adventure!” And they look at themselves and at their soul and they go, “Wow, what an incredible being I am! I’m not better than anybody else, but wow, I’m special! I’m beautiful! I’m incredible! I’m amazing!”
Mmm…
And then you start to feel the love of your soul for you, and that is the ultimate self-love! To feel your soul’s love and appreciation of you, and its absolute, total, unconditional acceptance of you, its human, and of every human that it has ever brought to Earth. And there are many of those for each of you.
So this person asked, “If I am God, why do I have cancer?”
And oh, we felt the poignance in that. We have so much compassion for this being, because we’ve been there. We know that place.
And the human, oh, it’s been taught all its life that God is this loving being, and yet all it has ever seen from God is vengeance. And the stories in the Christian Bible make God out to be worse than any human tyrant that has ever lived.
And then the human looks at his life and goes, “Dear God, why did you give me cancer?” Because part of the teaching is that everything is ultimately God’s fault.
Oh, they won’t say it that way. They’ll make up all kinds of stories about why God would do this to you, and usually it’s something about punishment. Because you’ve sinned, you’ve lived a bad life, so you’re being punished for it.
Oh, what a tragic lie! What a horrible lie!
Divinity does not judge you.
There is no being anywhere in existence that judges you, other than human beings. And especially yourself.
God does not judge you and never has. That is a human lie!
Divinity just loves you.
And Divinity did not give you cancer, dear friend.
Oh, cancer can come from many things. Some of it is just part of being human. Things in the environment can cause your body to break down, especially for those who don’t realize that they are the creator. That leaves them vulnerable to the things that go past, to the belief systems that float through their minds, and especially to their own judgment.
Because, you see, that’s where the real judgment comes from. From yourself. You judge yourself as a failure, as inadequate, as a sinner, as someone who can’t ever seem to get it right.
Even my human, John, so often feels like he’s a failure: “Why can’t I get things right?”
I watch him and I go, Dear John, it’s all right. You can’t get it wrong. It’s exactly how it needs to be right now.
Hmm…
But humans judge themselves more harshly than any God ever dreamed of!
In fact, as we said, Divinity simply does not judge. Divinity observes, and it relishes the experience! Even of you judging yourself, for that is an experience. It’s a part of you that Divinity wants to know and wants to feel.
But you judge yourself, and that judgment is like a battle with yourself.
You think you’ve done something wrong, and so you punish yourself for it. Maybe not physically, although plenty of people do that. They physically torment themselves. Some of your religions believe in that, in forcing your body to suffer somehow, as punishment for wrongdoing or as a way to get closer to God. But that’s not how God is.
And that judgment, that self-judgment, oh, your body feels it. Your body takes on that shame and it begins to punish itself. Or at least it starts to give up, because you’re going, “I can’t stand myself. I feel so ashamed of myself,” and sometimes you feel like you’d be better off if you just weren’t here.
And your body feels that and it says, “Okay, let’s leave then.” But, of course, then you don’t want to leave. You don’t really want to kill your body off, but you’re still questioning it. You’re still feeling ashamed.
And that conflict within you, that’s what cancer is. That’s what every disease in your body is. It’s all related to that conflict within you, that judgment of self, that confusion of your body. It doesn’t know if you want to stay or if you want to go, and so it ends up with the cells battling against each other in cancer or whatever other disease.
Hmm…
And then, oh, the humans are terrified to leave, because they forgot that there is anything on the other side. And they’ve been told there’s this judgmental, vengeful God on the other side that’s going to judge them, so they are terrified to leave. And sometimes, they give themselves a disease because that’s the only way they can find to let go and let themselves out.
It’s a difficult way to go, and it just leads you back into another similar lifetime where you have to go through it again until you finally say, “No. I’m going to come home to me now. I’m going to accept myself the way I am. I’m going to open up. I’m going to notice those feelings, those little nudges I’ve been having inside that maybe there’s more to me than I thought. Maybe there’s more to life than I thought.”
And that is when your awakening can begin. And that’s when you begin, slowly, gradually, to discover that you are so much more.
Mmm…
So, we say to our dear friend, you are so much more than what you believe! And what you can do right now is open your mind to that possibility. Open your mind to the idea that maybe you are not such a bad person. Maybe Divinity loves you. Maybe Divinity has no judgment for you whatsoever.
And just maybe, when you get to the other side, maybe you’ll remember this talk and you’ll open your eyes and look around, and realize that death isn’t the end at all. Death is the homecoming, back to who you are.
Or maybe, if you can open up to the love of self, to the idea that maybe you’re not such a bad person and that maybe you are okay just the way you are, that maybe you were never lost and maybe there is no God anywhere that is going to judge you, ever, then who knows? People can live for a long time with cancer in their bodies, and people can even let that cancer go.
Not by willing it, not by thinking it, but simply by choosing to be kind to you. To take the pressure off. To enjoy what you have left of your life. Whatever that is, to be present in it. And to open your mind to the silliness of Divinity.
For you see, to the human the wisdom of the Divine seems very silly, very foolish. Oh, and even your Bible says that!
So open up. You don’t have to believe what we are saying. You don’t have to believe anything, and that’s the point. We don’t want to give you another belief system. We simply want to ask you to open up and consider alternatives.
And maybe, maybe you’ll come to understand why the cancer came.
Or not, it doesn’t matter. But maybe you’ll be ready to open up when you cross over and completely change your next experience, whatever that is for you.
Ahh…
You see, Earth was created for exactly this journey, to go deep into the depths of your own darkness. Before you came here you gave yourself the key to the way out, and you have it within you. But in order to find that key you have to go into the darkness of you, because that’s where it is.
In loving yourself just the way you are, with all of your faults, all of your foibles, all of the evil thoughts and evil deeds and hateful things that you judge yourself for, whatever they may be; to take that judgment off and open up to the true Divine which says, “You are okay, just the way you are,” and to allow that for yourself, that is where you find the key.
We call it self-love.
Oh, but even that word is a box and is becoming a cliche.
When you go deep into the feeling of accepting yourself, of opening your mind to the possibility that just maybe none of this was your fault as the human, and just maybe you are indeed okay, that changes everything. And it opens you up to a whole new perspective of life and of death.
Because, you see, death is not the end. There is no death, except for the body.
The body wears out. It’s like the car that you drive around on Earth: It takes you where you want to go, it makes all these experiences possible, and at some point it wears out and you have to let it go and get a new one. Sometimes it gets smashed, and you have to get a new one. And the same thing is true of you and your body.
You are not your body. You are so much bigger and so much grander than your body! And one day you will remember that. Whether it is now or in some other lifetime really doesn’t matter, but you will remember that. And then you will be free.
And then you, too, will look back and go, “Wow, what an adventure! Look at the wisdom that it gave me!”
So dear friend, whoever you are, each of you watching this, open up.
Open your mind.
If somebody hits you with a belief that seems silly to them, or to you, open up. Consider it.
You don’t have to believe it. You don’t have to take it on. It’s called suspending your disbelief, and it’s very different from actually believing it.
So suspend your disbelief.
Suspend your judgment that says, “Oh, that’s stupid!” or “That’s silly!” and take a good look at it.
Take an objective look at it. A look that goes deeper than that preconceived judgment that really just comes from your ancestors and the people who taught you all these lies.
You are wise enough to make up your own mind, so let those old beliefs go. You don’t need them.
Don’t take on beliefs from us either, because you don’t need those. We just want you to open up to you, to your own wisdom and your own knowing. It’s all there!
You have the wisdom of hundreds, maybe even thousands, of lifetimes within you, if you’ll simply open up to it.
You have the wisdom and the knowing of Divinity within you, if you’ll simply open up to it and allow it to shine forth.
It doesn’t come to you in thoughts, mostly. It comes to you in your feelings, in simple knowing. In that little feeling inside of you that says, “Go this way!” or “Maybe don’t go that way.”
It’s just little nudges, and the human mind looks at them and goes, “Well, that’s silly!”
We ask you to open up instead, and give them a good look. You don’t have to believe anything! But take a look and see if there is something there for you.
And find out what happens when you start to trust your own knowing.
Hmm…
Will that cure cancer?
It has been known to. But it doesn’t matter, because there is no death. There is simply a transition, a homecoming, a dropping of your body and of your forgetting.
It’s a remembering of your true nature, which is so far beyond this human that you know.
So open up, dear friend. Open up to you, to your knowing.
Some of you are so terrified that you’ll displease this vengeful God. So we have to ask you, do you really, really want to serve a God like that? A God that is so hateful, so vengeful, that could casually command the murder of so many people in the Bible stories? In so many horrible stories? A God that is used as an excuse for so many wars in human history, for so many lives lost and so much brutality, all in the name of this God? Do you really want to serve that being?
And we hear some of you say, “Yeah, but what if it’s real and I end up burning in hell?”
Well, John decided many years ago that he would rather burn in hell than serve that kind of a tyrant. Wouldn’t you?
The good news is that, that tyrant does not exist.
Oh, there are certain humans who take on that energy. Many, actually. But even they are starting to lose their power, because this earth is changing. The consciousness of humanity is changing, and it simply doesn’t work anymore.
Sooner or later you will discover that, if you haven’t already. We know you will, because there are some things that, once you become aware of them, are simply self-evident.
So, open up to you.
You will know when the time is right for you.
It’s like waking up in the morning. You resist it for a while. You really like those dreams you were involved in and you resist waking up, but sooner or later, there it is. The sun is shining, you’re awake, and there is nothing you can do about it!
And suddenly you can see. You can see the reality, the life, around you.
And every person has their own journey through that and their own time for it, but it begins with accepting you just the way you are and opening up to the possibility that maybe life is so much bigger and so much more beautiful than you were ever taught!
For indeed, it is.
And so it is.
Blessings!
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